Talking About Your Lung Cancer

Talking with your healthcare team

Talking with your healthcare team is very important; the information they provide will help you make important decisions about your treatment. Informing your team about relevant matters in your life will help them understand the unique way in which lung cancer affects you. 

Being a new patient and getting introduced to the many healthcare providers who make up your treatment team may be a lot to take in, feelings of fear and anxiety may make it hard to understand and remember what they say during appointments. 

The tips below can help you feel in charge and more prepared during your appointments:

• Keep a list- Know the names of each member of your cancer care team, their specializations, and their phone numbers.
• Speak up - If you do not understand something, say so. It might help if you tell your doctor specifically what you need, such as a more detailed explanation or less medical jargon. Check to make sure you have understood correctly. You can say things like “What I hear is that this kind of cancer usually responds better to surgery than chemotherapy or radiation. Am I understanding this correctly?”
• Ask questions- You will have many questions throughout the various stages of your treatment. Asking questions will help you get the information you need and help you feel more in control.
• Put it on paper - Jot down the questions you want to ask at your next appointment and take the list with you. Take notes to help you remember what the doctor or nurse said. 
• Bring a loved one - Bring along a friend or family member who can make notes and help interpret what you were told.
• Record it - You may find it easier to make an audio recording of your appointments instead of trying to write everything down.  If you choose to do this, always inform your healthcare provider before you hit record.
• Share- Inform your healthcare team if you want detailed information on all aspects of your medical situation or if you prefer general information only. Let your healthcare team them know who the important people in your life are and to whom they may or may not communicate with.

Talking with your loved ones

Talking to your loved ones can help you process your own feelings about your cancer. When you have decided to let them know, think about how much you would like to share with them and how. You may choose to speak to some close family and friends yourself and have a loved one inform others. Learning about your cancer diagnosis will also be overwhelming for your family and friends, they will cope with the news in different ways and may need time to come to terms with their own feelings about your diagnosis. 

The tips below can help you with these conversations:

• Be yourself- Although this may be a very difficult conversation, keep in mind that you and the person you are speaking to are still the same people.
• Be honest- You should tell your family and friends as little or as much about your cancer as you are comfortable with. However, you should not feel that you need to hide any details to protect them from painful feelings.
• Ask them what they already know- Some people might know bits and pieces about your diagnosis or treatment. Instead of starting from scratch, you may find it easier if they first tell you what they already know. Then, you can fill in the gaps as you wish.
• Have someone with you- If you have already told a loved one about your diagnosis, it may help to have them with you for support during any new conversations.
• Do not worry if they are quiet- Some people may not know what to say right away, and some may be afraid of saying the wrong thing. Sometimes being with each other in silence may be enough. If you are uncomfortable with the silence, you can ask them what they are thinking, or if there is something they would like to know.
• Talk about how they can help- Your loved ones will want to support and care for you during this time. But they might not know how. Let them know about things they can help with, like running errands, doing chores, going with you to appointments, or lending an ear when you need it.
• Let them know if there are things they should not do- Maintaining a sense of independence is important, so be honest with your loved ones if there are things you would prefer to do for yourself. 

Talking with young children

When talking to children about your cancer, take into consideration their ages and developmental stages. Children will sense something has been kept from them if they overhear you sharing different details with other people, so it is essential to tell children the truth. Children are resilient and, in most cases, want to know how they can help. It is important to have these conversations and create a safe space for them to ask questions. 

The tips below can help you in talking with children:   

• Reach out to professionals- Social workers at a child’s school and at your cancer centre can help you determine the best ways to share information with children in your life.
• Show them- It may also be possible to set up a tour of the location where you will have your appointments and treatments, which may relieve some of the child’s unspoken anxieties and fears about what you may experience during treatment.
• Say the word - Do not be afraid to use the word cancer. Use clear and direct language when describing where your cancer was found, what treatment you will have, and some possible side effects of treatment. 
• Dispel myths- Tell children very clearly that they did not cause your cancer, and that it is not contagious. Although children may not ask you about this, many have unspoken beliefs that their past misbehaviours or outbursts harmed you in this way.
• Talk about your treatment plan- You can describe radiation treatments as being like x-rays and chemotherapy as special medicine. It is, however, important to distinguish that your cancer treatments are not the same as a child’s medicine or their dental x-rays, for example. Tell them about how often you will be at appointments, and if you will need to spend nights at the hospital.
• Prepare them for side effects- Help children understand what to expect when you come home after your treatment. Let them know about some of the side effects you may experience, like fatigue, hair loss, and nausea.
• Tell them who will take care of them- A simple explanation of the plans in place for their care and day-to-day routines will go a long way in making them feel more secure and unafraid.
• Keep the conversation going- Encourage children to talk to you if they hear something that differs from what you have told them. Assure them that you will always be honest. At the same time, explain to their caregivers, teachers, and your family members what you have told them. Letting the people around them know this information will help them support the child and keep an eye out for any changes in their mood or behaviour.
• Go with the flow- Children often move in and out of conversation topics very quickly. Follow their lead while also offering gentle encouragement to come back to the conversation about cancer. 

You can learn more from Start the Talk.

Talking with co-workers

Your cancer diagnosis and treatments are very personal matters. Who you tell, how much you say, and how you tell them, will vary based on where you work and your relationships there. You may want to tell everyone, or only some of your coworkers, your supervisor, or someone in Human Resources.  It is important to not feel pressured to sharing more information than you are comfortable with.  Talking to someone you trust, a social worker or a member of your healthcare team can help you in determining the best ways to communicate your cancer journey at the workplace. 

Talking with a mental health professional

Identifying a safe and supportive outlet in which you feel comfortable sharing openly about your cancer experience is important. Many cancer centres, employee assistance programs, and community organizations offer counselling support to people living with lung cancer, as well as their loved ones. Reaching out to a professional can help to alleviate stress and find meaningful ways to cope with cancer.